It’s 3:30pm on day 13 and the STRUGGLE IS ON!!!
I was diving home from a meeting this afternoon, and I saw a man in the car beside me sipping ever so gracefully on his Tim Horton’s beverage (I imagined it was a large tea, 3 sugars and 2 milks… just how I like it) And I wanted to reach through my car window into his and just take a little sip… I wouldn’t drink it all… just a little sip!!! But alas, the light turned green, and my fantasy was over, and on I went saying my little prayers… ‘Lord give me the strength to just make it through the rest of the day’ ‘Lord give me the strength’ ‘Lord give me the strength’.
I told my husband when I got home that I thought I should go lay down, and he suggested that sounded like a great idea, then I clarified… ‘I MEAN FOR THE NIGHT… I want to go to sleep now and not wake up till it’s day 14!!!’ He laughed and said… ‘Wow… Colleen 13 days… you’re doing good… you’re doing good’
TOO BAD ‘DOING GOOD’ DOESN’T TASTE ANYTHING LIKE SUGAR… OR MEAT!!!
Ok… Ok… Ok… Enough with the murmuring and complaining. I didn’t begin this fast to exercise my grumbling muscles… RIGHT?!?! RIIIIIGHT!!!!
So a lesson I learned today as I stared out the window before I went out to face the world and all it’s temptations, is that these 13 days have helped me to pay attention to that inner voice instead of drowning it out with a chocolate bar (as I’ve typically done in the past). I (a former self proclaimed ’emotional eater’) unfortunately formed a VERY bad habit of eating yummy things whenever certain emotions came up for me. Today as I stared out the window, and basically felt the ‘sadness’ (as silly as that might sound to some) surrounding not having my sugar crutch to help me pass the time of the day, I was left to just FEEEEEEL, and be with whatever came up.
The great thing is that it’s not just the ‘bad’ or ‘uncomfortable’ stuff that comes up that I have to deal with, it’s also the ‘good’, ‘helpful’, and ‘insightful’ stuff that I find myself being bombarded with now, and because I’m not drowning out my emotions by eating… I’m basically left to DEAL with them all. Because I’ve committed to doing this fast for 21 days, and I am determined to see it through to the end, all I can do when I begin to feel a little overwhelmed is turn to God for strength.
I’m not happy for the uncomfortable feeling I’m feeling right now… BUT I’m happy for the EMPOWERING feeling that comes with bearing down and pressing through the discomfort!
Ok… so if you are reading this blog, my request to you right now… is to PLEASE close your eyes for a quick second and say a quick prayer for Colleen (THAT’S ME!!!) ‘Dear Lord…. please give her strength… AMEN!
Love and appreciate you, God Bless