Today I went to a workshop on self esteem, and as I sat and listened to all the different factors that go into developing a person’s sense of self, and how they see themselves I was surprised to see myself looking around the room feeling like I did not fit in (I was the only person of color in the workshop… which is VERY common at many of the workshops/trainings I attend) and I found myself thinking A LOT about my weight… and thinking that if I could just be 15 pounds lighter I might feel more comfortable…. can you believe that?!?!?!
When I caught myself and what I was doing I was quite surprised at myself… I was sort of embarrassed inside myself I guess… but then I was also a little annoyed with myself, because it’s NOT the truth and I KNOW it’s not the truth. There are so many factors that play into how I feel about myself, and while losing a few pounds may positively impact my life in some ways… it won’t/can’t solve ALL my problems/issues, and I can’t believe how deeply ingrained this idea of ‘weight loss’ being the ultimate problem solver, is in my head.
I wonder if that’s a part of why this weight loss journey is so challenging for me?